Email- Depth 2/24/2004
well, you just made ME cry also.....thank you very
much for these words...i appreciate it and they mean
more to me than i could explain. i am going to keep
your note and look at it often.....you have a great
way with words, and i am only as strong as those
around me that i love.....thanks for being a major
part in MY life.
i love you sista
--- "Almai-Mahurin, Catherine"
wrote:
> Mark,
> Brother- I love you. Very little gets to me. I
> usually don't cry. You are
> the strongest person on this earth. You have brought
> more people to Christ
> than any evangelist. You are real. God is using you.
> You have blessed me
> with your suffering. You have taught me with your
> suffering. You have shown
> me the love of Christ because of your struggle. Keep
> ministering to those
> around you. It's making the biggest impact for
> Christ that you'll probably
> have one pissed off Satan chasing after you now.
>
> Way to go- brother! Way to piss off the kingdom of
> hell!
> -C
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Mark Holt [mailto:mholt311@yahoo.com]
> Sent: Tuesday, February 24, 2004 9:54 PM
> To: Lani Wiese; Ron Wiese; Amanda Toomey; Chris
> Toomey; David Toomey;
> Julia Toomey; Lisa Toomey; Paula Toomey; Shannon
> Toomey; WCoast Toomey;
> Adam Wehrli; Audrey Schmit; John Schmit; Mike
> Schmit; Andi Sandefur;
> Cortni Mullin; Jeff Mullin; Tony Panzarella; Cathy
> Mahurin; Cathy ~ WORK
> Mahurin; Holly Malone; Jennifer Marshall; Gary Holt;
> Jennifer Holt;
> Metra Holt; Michelle Holt; Kevin Kassab; Liz Kassab;
> Cheree Keeney;
> Travis Gorenc; Chris Holloman; Brenda Holt; Dennis
> Holt; Ellen Holt;
> Anthony Diecidue; Mike Foley; Brendy Frasco; Mike
> Gaffney; Amy
> Carpenter; Pastor Bob & Sondra Cave; Jeff Almai;
> Stephani Almai; Steve
> Barkofski
> Subject: Depth
>
>
> I just wanted to say hello to everyone and let
> everybody know that I am doing wonderful. I also
> wanted to write on the eve of Ash Wednesday and
> remind
> everyone to get to the theaters and see THE PASSION
> OF
> CHRIST. I am healthy these days because of one
> reason
> and one reason alone. And i believe it will be
> showcased in this film. My suffering is ABSOLUTELY
> NOTHING compared to what Jesus did for me and
> everyone
> else.
> And in these times, I wanted to let everyone know
> that
> I am done with Doctors and their opinions. I am
> following one source and one source alone, and
> frankly...I have never seen things so clearly in my
> entire life. So, no more asking or talking about
> cat-scans and pet-scans and such.......HE is taking
> care of me, as I know he is of all of you as well.
> I
> pray for nothing less than perfect health and
> happiness in all of your lives. I am going to be
> here
> for a long time, and considering my love for
> everyone
> on this list.....you all know me well enough to know
> that when I want to share something personal.....I
> usually do. I am getting ready to go on my own
> personal journey in the next 40 days, in thanks for
> what HE did, and does for me. So, I drew this on a
> shirt tonight, and wanted to share it with all of
> you.
> May the blood dripping from the cross be a symbol
> of
> life, and hope & love.....and may it also be a
> symbol
> of whenever things are rough in your life, or bad
> news
> hits.....remember the breaking of the bread, and
> just
> how graphic it actually was......see it through the
> eyes of the film if you have to, but let it remind
> you
> that nothing is impossible in life, and whatever
> you're going through.....perservere and rise above
> it.
> Welcome the suffering, because suffering means
> passion, and in the long run, it means eternal life
> and love.
>
> I love you all....pass this on to anyone i may have
> missed or anyone you want to. I don't care who sees
> it, nor do i care about any naysayers opinions of
> me.
>
> Thanks for listening....
>
> Mark Holt
>
6 years ago today (originally written 3/10)
I remember exacly where I was on this day, six years ago.....
The phone rang in a shrill tone on the wall in my kitchen. I put down the dish I was washing and stepped over to answer it. It was my sister calling on her way home from a consult with the doctor. Anxiously awaiting the results of the lymphocyte byopsy, Mark and Metra went to the office to find out if the lump on Mark's left shoulder was cancerous. The voice on the other end of the phone call had a fake optimism to it. Metra said in a sad but sing song tone, "Mark has cancer." My mind could not process this information and I stood there, phone to my ear, shocked.
What would we do and what did this information mean? I didn't know then that it was the beginning of a transformation.
Not just for Mark, but for those who knew him.
The ding of the bell signaled that the battle was on. It was round one of Mark and Metra's fight against Hodgkins.
In fact, I remember that the very first fight words were uttered by my sister that day as she informed me that if he had to have cancer, he suffered though the most curable form and there were lots of treatment options for him. She had officially put her gloves on and laced up as if to say, "bring it ON!" It was on that day, March 10 that my sister started a log stream of optimism, hope, faith, and down-right scrapping to enable her and Mark to battle this illness.
As I listened to her on the phone, and wholeheartedly bought into her optimism, I started to slowly feel better despite the news. On that day, and the many subsequent days when Mark and Metra received news about the progression of Mark's disease, Metra stayed positive and didn't show an ounce of fear.
At least, not to the naked eye.
It was today, the third month in the millenium, when a twenty three year old newly engaged girl broke the news to her soon-to-be husband that his neck/shoulder lumps were, indeed cancerous.
Today marks six years of fighting, struggling, waiting, hoping and praying. Six years of transformation of one man from a husky, 200 lb strong guy with tons of dark hair and thick eyebrows, to a man who bearly weighed over 120 when he died and looked more like the image of Christ than any artist's rendition.
Today is the day.
It was one of those days six years ago when I happen to absorb every detail of the conversation Metra and I held over the phone when the news first broke. I remember the sound of her voice when she finally told me. It was a conversation to remember.
Throughout the six year war, I've had other converstions to remember. One, in particular with Mark that now makes me think.....
I remember traveling with Mark, Metra, Brett, Jeff and the kids to Vancouver, Canada to visit my iranian aunts. Our trip had the occasional ups and downs and I don't think any of us spoke to one another for at least a month after we got back but, it was fun. I remember that we all went to a bar in the trendy part of downtown West Vancouver and had a few drinks, a few outbursts of laughter, and an occasional dance or two. While we were at the "Blue Sky Bar," A song came on and Mark started acting like a dork and singing it. As often happened in our relationship, I took any opportunity to make fun of Mark and this time was no different. After Mark's mind went blank thinking up a whitty come back, we soon went from talk of teasing each other to talk of Angels (as conversations go when you've had a few martini's).
As I was listening to Mark through the thump of the beating music, he described for me what he wanted to do if he ever left this earth because of his illness. He told me that he wanted to serve as one of God's warring angels and fight evil and the depths of hell. He wanted to be like St. Michael the archangel and fly around making evil beings quake when they see him coming. He wanted to be a defender, a guardian, a champion of his beliefs. He told me this in such a manner that I was almost convinced that he saw into the future and knew his destiny. His eyes lit up when he mentioned Michael the archangel and his hand motions became more animated. As I listened, part of me wanted to slap him and tell him to shut up, he wouldn't die and he would never have a need to be Michael, and part of me shared in his excitement. Metra, Brett, and Jeff were oblivious to our topic, their conversation surrounding who would buy the next drink. Well, maybe JEFF wasn't worried about who would buy the next drink....(although I hear he likes that apple cider)... Mark went on for quite awhile that night about being Michael and even talked to me about it for days after the bar.Now, looking back, I wonder if Michael has a partner who is all too happy to be a warrior in the heavens. Sometimes, I wonder if Mark is in the middle east, fighting where the battle is fierce and religious tension tight. I think about the excitement in his eyes when he talked about being able to fight in a battle that he was certain he would win. I don't really know if Mark is fighting right now, but I do know that since Mark died, things have been happening that make me think that perhaps, someone is watching out from the heavens. Take my son, for example. After months and months of therapy with little progress, since December 19th at around 6:00 p.m. my son has been spouting more words than ever despite his recent diagnosis of brain damage. I think that Reagan has an unseen (by human eyes) therapist that works with him daily after waging war against all things evil. There have been several instances like this where something unexplainable happens that relates to Mark. It leads me to believe that right now, there is a new warrior angel- his name is Mark- and he watches over all of us. He has probably visited his sisters quite a bit, making sure that no one harms them. In fact, his conversation to me that night in the bar assured me that he would. Next, he floats over to his mom and dad, checks in, visits grandma and Brenda (so if Boo barks for some unknown reason and wags her tail, you'll know why...) and then makes his way to Metra where he fights to keep her safe. Then, he travels to the middle east to battle "principalities, and rulers of darkness" just like he described that night at the bar. If this is what Mark is doing, I have no doubt that he is happy, estatic, and when we see him again-
he will have wings.
